select tl_news.id, tl_news.alias,tl_content.headline, left(tl_content.`text`,150) as txt,autor_id,featured from tl_news,tl_content where tl_content.ptable='tl_news' and tl_news.id=tl_content.pid and tl_news.id in (3689,3690,3692,3693,3694,3695,3696,3697,3698,3699,3700,3701,3702,3703,3704,3705,3706,3707,3708,3709,3710,3711,3712,3713,3714,3715,3716,3717,3718,3719,3721,3722,3723,3724,3725,3726,3727,3732,3729,3730,3731,3733,3734,3735,3736,3737,3738,3739,3740,3741,3742,3743,3744,3745,3746,3747,3748,3749,3750,3751,3752,3753,3759,3755,3756,3757,3758,3760,3761,3762,3763,3764,3765,3766,3767,3768,3769,3770,3771,3772,3773,3774,3775,3776,3780,3778,3779,3781,3782,3783,3784,3785,3786,3787,3788,3789,3790,3791,3792,3793,3794,3795,3796,3797,3798,3799,3800,3801,3802,3803,3804,3805,3806,3807,3808,3809,3810,3811,3812,3813,3814,3815,3816,3817,3818,3819,3820,3821,3822,3823,3824,3825,3826,3827,3828,3829,3830,3831,3832,3833,3834,3835,3836,3837,3838,3839,3840,3841,3842,3843,3844,3845,3846,3847,3848,3849,3850,3851,3852,3853,3854,3855,3856,3857,3858,3859,3860,3861,3862,3863,3864,3865,3866,3867,3868,3869,3870,3871,3872,3873,3874,3875,3876,3877,3878,3879,3880,3881,3882,3883,3884,3885,3886,3887,3889,3890,3891,3892,3893,3894,3895,3896,3897,3898,3899,3900,3901,3902,3903,3904,3906,3907,3908,3909,3910,3911,3912,3913,3914,3915,3916,3917,3918,3919,3920,3921,3922,3923,3924,3925,3926,3927,3928,3929,3930,3967,3932,3933,3934,3935,3936,3937,3938,3939,3940,3941,3942,3943,3944,3945,3946,3947,3948,3949,3950,3951,3952,3953,3954,3955,3956,3957,3958,3959,3960,3961,3962,3963,3964,3965,3966,3968,3969,3970,3971,3972,3973,3974,3975,3976,3977,3978,3979,3980,3981,3982,3983,3984,3985,3986,3987,3988,3989,3990,3991,3992,3993,3994,3995,3996,3997,3998,3999,4000,4001,4002,4003,4004,4005,4006,4007,4008,4009,4010,4011,4012,4013,4014,4015,4016,4017,4019,4020,4021,4022,4023,4024,4025,4026,4028,4029,4030,4031,4032,4033,4037,4035,4036,4038,4039,4040,4041,4042,4043,4044,4045,4046,4047,4048,4049,4050,4051,4052,4053,4054,4055,4056,4057,4058,4059,4060,4061,4062,4063,4074,4065,4066,4067,4068,4069,4070,4071,4072,4073,4081,4076,4077,4078,4079,4080,4082,4083,4084,4085,4086,4087,4088,4089,4090,4091,4092,4094) order by featured DESC, tl_news.id=3764 DESC, tl_news.id=3828 DESC, tl_news.id=4004 DESC, tl_news.id=3755 DESC, tl_news.id=3767 DESC, tl_news.id=3820 DESC, tl_news.id=3844 DESC, tl_news.id=3775 DESC, tl_news.id=4072 DESC, tl_news.id=3993 DESC, tl_news.id=3793 DESC, tl_news.id=3872 DESC, tl_news.id=3714 DESC, tl_news.id=3788 DESC, tl_news.id=3829 DESC, tl_news.id=3982 DESC, tl_news.id=3794 DESC, tl_news.id=4076 DESC, tl_news.id=4046 DESC, tl_news.id=4054 DESC, tl_news.id=3978 DESC, tl_news.id=3979 DESC, tl_news.id=4037 DESC, tl_news.id=3965 DESC, tl_news.id=3733 DESC, tl_news.id=3736 DESC, tl_news.id=3984 DESC, tl_news.id=3735 DESC, tl_news.id=4091 DESC, tl_news.id=3709 DESC, tl_news.id=3784 DESC, tl_news.id=3786 DESC, tl_news.id=3911 DESC, tl_news.id=3763 DESC, tl_news.id=3801 DESC, tl_news.id=3915 DESC, tl_news.id=3704 DESC, tl_news.id=3968 DESC, tl_news.id=3731 DESC, tl_news.id=3713 DESC, tl_news.id=4044 DESC, tl_news.id=3707 DESC, tl_news.id=3883 DESC, tl_news.id=3748 DESC, tl_news.id=3716 DESC, tl_news.id=4041 DESC, tl_news.id=3990 DESC, tl_news.id=4011 DESC, tl_news.id=3734 DESC, tl_news.id=3795 DESC, tl_news.id=3750 DESC, tl_news.id=3809 DESC, tl_news.id=3858 DESC, tl_news.id=3701 DESC, tl_news.id=4058 DESC, tl_news.id=3749 DESC, tl_news.id=3975 DESC, tl_news.id=3936 DESC, tl_news.id=4090 DESC, tl_news.id=3946 DESC, tl_news.id=3999 DESC, tl_news.id=3969 DESC, tl_news.id=3989 DESC, tl_news.id=3939 DESC, tl_news.id=4000 DESC, tl_news.id=3807 DESC, tl_news.id=3981 DESC, tl_news.id=4089 DESC, tl_news.id=3724 DESC, tl_news.id=3986 DESC, tl_news.id=3996 DESC, tl_news.id=3822 DESC, tl_news.id=4094 DESC, tl_news.id=3776 DESC, tl_news.id=3860 DESC, tl_news.id=3843 DESC, tl_news.id=3912 DESC, tl_news.id=3852 DESC, tl_news.id=3811 DESC, tl_news.id=3907 DESC, tl_news.id=3771 DESC, tl_news.id=3823 DESC, tl_news.id=3765 DESC, tl_news.id=3958 DESC, tl_news.id=4084 DESC, tl_news.id=3882 DESC, tl_news.id=4001 DESC, tl_news.id=4069 DESC, tl_news.id=3910 DESC, tl_news.id=4055 DESC, tl_news.id=3773 DESC, tl_news.id=3804 DESC, tl_news.id=3717 DESC, tl_news.id=4005 DESC, tl_news.id=3796 DESC, tl_news.id=3956 DESC, tl_news.id=3994 DESC, tl_news.id=3870 DESC, tl_news.id=3869 DESC, tl_news.id=4070 DESC, tl_news.id=3781 DESC, tl_news.id=3813 DESC, tl_news.id=3834 DESC, tl_news.id=3697 DESC, tl_news.id=4077 DESC, tl_news.id=3980 DESC, tl_news.id=3972 DESC, tl_news.id=3963 DESC, tl_news.id=3816 DESC, tl_news.id=3908 DESC, tl_news.id=3726 DESC, tl_news.id=3846 DESC, tl_news.id=4086 DESC, tl_news.id=4050 DESC, tl_news.id=3719 DESC, tl_news.id=3889 DESC, tl_news.id=3751 DESC, tl_news.id=3721 DESC, tl_news.id=3730 DESC, tl_news.id=4009 DESC, tl_news.id=4079 DESC, tl_news.id=4057 DESC, tl_news.id=3961 DESC, tl_news.id=3991 DESC, tl_news.id=4029 DESC, tl_news.id=3943 DESC, tl_news.id=4036 DESC, tl_news.id=3780 DESC, tl_news.id=3926 DESC, tl_news.id=3787 DESC, tl_news.id=3948 DESC, tl_news.id=4012 DESC, tl_news.id=4082 DESC, tl_news.id=3917 DESC, tl_news.id=4053 DESC, tl_news.id=3792 DESC, tl_news.id=3745 DESC, tl_news.id=4049 DESC, tl_news.id=3937 DESC, tl_news.id=3887 DESC, tl_news.id=3810 DESC, tl_news.id=3700 DESC, tl_news.id=3951 DESC, tl_news.id=4092 DESC, tl_news.id=4032 DESC, tl_news.id=3898 DESC, tl_news.id=3942 DESC, tl_news.id=3892 DESC, tl_news.id=3954 DESC, tl_news.id=3960 DESC, tl_news.id=3876 DESC, tl_news.id=3861 DESC, tl_news.id=4002 DESC, tl_news.id=3855 DESC, tl_news.id=3819 DESC, tl_news.id=3923 DESC, tl_news.id=4017 DESC, tl_news.id=3770 DESC, tl_news.id=4059 DESC, tl_news.id=3742 DESC, tl_news.id=3710 DESC, tl_news.id=4062 DESC, tl_news.id=3723 DESC, tl_news.id=4067 DESC, tl_news.id=3783 DESC, tl_news.id=3712 DESC, tl_news.id=3997 DESC, tl_news.id=3849 DESC, tl_news.id=3885 DESC, tl_news.id=3966 DESC, tl_news.id=4085 DESC, tl_news.id=3973 DESC, tl_news.id=3967 DESC, tl_news.id=3914 DESC, tl_news.id=3901 DESC, tl_news.id=3753 DESC, tl_news.id=4031 DESC, tl_news.id=3732 DESC, tl_news.id=3920 DESC, tl_news.id=3825 DESC, tl_news.id=3995 DESC, tl_news.id=3864 DESC, tl_news.id=3830 DESC, tl_news.id=3831 DESC, tl_news.id=3842 DESC, tl_news.id=4014 DESC, tl_news.id=3739 DESC, tl_news.id=3758 DESC, tl_news.id=3826 DESC, tl_news.id=3867 DESC, tl_news.id=3987 DESC, tl_news.id=3789 DESC, tl_news.id=4039 DESC, tl_news.id=3879 DESC, tl_news.id=4038 DESC, tl_news.id=3945 DESC, tl_news.id=4056 DESC, tl_news.id=3933 DESC, tl_news.id=3904 DESC, tl_news.id=4023 DESC, tl_news.id=3761 DESC, tl_news.id=3929 DESC, tl_news.id=3722 DESC, tl_news.id=4021 DESC, tl_news.id=3957 DESC, tl_news.id=4024 DESC, tl_news.id=3959 DESC, tl_news.id=3927 DESC, tl_news.id=3838 DESC, tl_news.id=4028 DESC, tl_news.id=3817 DESC, tl_news.id=3782 DESC, tl_news.id=3729 DESC, tl_news.id=3779 DESC, tl_news.id=4066 DESC, tl_news.id=3922 DESC, tl_news.id=3836 DESC, tl_news.id=3824 DESC, tl_news.id=4088 DESC, tl_news.id=4074 DESC, tl_news.id=3971 DESC, tl_news.id=3715 DESC, tl_news.id=3988 DESC, tl_news.id=3949 DESC, tl_news.id=3756 DESC, tl_news.id=4060 DESC, tl_news.id=3808 DESC, tl_news.id=3863 DESC, tl_news.id=3806 DESC, tl_news.id=3964 DESC, tl_news.id=3847 DESC, tl_news.id=3856 DESC, tl_news.id=4061 DESC, tl_news.id=3841 DESC, tl_news.id=3941 DESC, tl_news.id=3805 DESC, tl_news.id=3760 DESC, tl_news.id=3900 DESC, tl_news.id=3918 DESC, tl_news.id=4008 DESC, tl_news.id=3875 DESC, tl_news.id=4022 DESC, tl_news.id=3833 DESC, tl_news.id=3706 DESC, tl_news.id=4081 DESC, tl_news.id=3873 DESC, tl_news.id=3705 DESC, tl_news.id=3932 DESC, tl_news.id=3938 DESC, tl_news.id=3851 DESC, tl_news.id=3848 DESC, tl_news.id=4042 DESC, tl_news.id=4078 DESC, tl_news.id=3998 DESC, tl_news.id=3821 DESC, tl_news.id=4052 DESC, tl_news.id=3835 DESC, tl_news.id=4087 DESC, tl_news.id=3769 DESC, tl_news.id=3774 DESC, tl_news.id=3812 DESC, tl_news.id=3727 DESC, tl_news.id=4045 DESC, tl_news.id=3919 DESC, tl_news.id=3790 DESC, tl_news.id=3940 DESC, tl_news.id=3759 DESC, tl_news.id=3921 DESC, tl_news.id=3785 DESC, tl_news.id=3899 DESC, tl_news.id=3799 DESC, tl_news.id=4068 DESC, tl_news.id=4019 DESC, tl_news.id=3947 DESC, tl_news.id=3711 DESC, tl_news.id=3762 DESC, tl_news.id=3698 DESC, tl_news.id=3983 DESC, tl_news.id=3862 DESC, tl_news.id=3992 DESC, tl_news.id=3884 DESC, tl_news.id=3902 DESC, tl_news.id=3853 DESC, tl_news.id=3692 DESC, tl_news.id=3944 DESC, tl_news.id=3950 DESC, tl_news.id=3699 DESC, tl_news.id=4083 DESC, tl_news.id=3909 DESC, tl_news.id=3741 DESC, tl_news.id=3696 DESC, tl_news.id=4080 DESC, tl_news.id=4035 DESC, tl_news.id=3814 DESC, tl_news.id=3689 DESC, tl_news.id=3703 DESC, tl_news.id=3702 DESC, tl_news.id=3690 DESC, tl_news.id=3928 DESC, tl_news.id=3962 DESC, tl_news.id=3955 DESC, tl_news.id=3930 DESC, tl_news.id=3953 DESC, tl_news.id=3952 DESC, tl_news.id=3934 DESC, tl_news.id=3935 DESC, tl_news.id=3970 DESC, tl_news.id=4016 DESC, tl_news.id=3974 DESC, tl_news.id=4030 DESC, tl_news.id=4071 DESC, tl_news.id=4065 DESC, tl_news.id=4063 DESC, tl_news.id=4051 DESC, tl_news.id=4048 DESC, tl_news.id=4047 DESC, tl_news.id=4043 DESC, tl_news.id=4040 DESC, tl_news.id=4033 DESC, tl_news.id=4026 DESC, tl_news.id=3976 DESC, tl_news.id=4025 DESC, tl_news.id=4020 DESC, tl_news.id=4015 DESC, tl_news.id=4013 DESC, tl_news.id=4010 DESC, tl_news.id=4007 DESC, tl_news.id=4006 DESC, tl_news.id=4003 DESC, tl_news.id=3985 DESC, tl_news.id=3977 DESC, tl_news.id=3925 DESC, tl_news.id=3877 DESC, tl_news.id=3924 DESC, tl_news.id=3752 DESC, tl_news.id=3815 DESC, tl_news.id=3803 DESC, tl_news.id=3802 DESC, tl_news.id=3800 DESC, tl_news.id=3798 DESC, tl_news.id=3797 DESC, tl_news.id=3791 DESC, tl_news.id=3778 DESC, tl_news.id=3772 DESC, tl_news.id=3768 DESC, tl_news.id=3766 DESC, tl_news.id=3757 DESC, tl_news.id=3747 DESC, tl_news.id=3827 DESC, tl_news.id=3746 DESC, tl_news.id=3744 DESC, tl_news.id=3743 DESC, tl_news.id=3740 DESC, tl_news.id=3738 DESC, tl_news.id=3737 DESC, tl_news.id=3725 DESC, tl_news.id=3718 DESC, tl_news.id=3708 DESC, tl_news.id=3695 DESC, tl_news.id=3694 DESC, tl_news.id=3693 DESC, tl_news.id=3818 DESC, tl_news.id=3832 DESC, tl_news.id=3916 DESC, tl_news.id=3880 DESC, tl_news.id=3913 DESC, tl_news.id=3906 DESC, tl_news.id=3903 DESC, tl_news.id=3897 DESC, tl_news.id=3896 DESC, tl_news.id=3895 DESC, tl_news.id=3894 DESC, tl_news.id=3893 DESC, tl_news.id=3891 DESC, tl_news.id=3890 DESC, tl_news.id=3886 DESC, tl_news.id=3881 DESC, tl_news.id=3878 DESC, tl_news.id=3837 DESC, tl_news.id=3874 DESC, tl_news.id=3871 DESC, tl_news.id=3868 DESC, tl_news.id=3866 DESC, tl_news.id=3865 DESC, tl_news.id=3859 DESC, tl_news.id=3857 DESC, tl_news.id=3854 DESC, tl_news.id=3850 DESC, tl_news.id=3845 DESC, tl_news.id=3840 DESC, tl_news.id=3839 DESC, tl_news.id=4073 DESC

Eisiger Mantel

Ich würde das Gefühl haben zu schweben, so frei zu sein wie ein Engel, haben sie mir gesagt. Doch ich war keineswegs frei, und schon gar nicht schwerelos oder von Glück überschwemmt.

Ich stand einfach nur da, in einer Ruine.

Wobei – es war nicht eine Ruine, es war unsere Ruine, die Ruine. Die, in der alles begann, und nun auch endete. Keinen Millimeter hatte ich mich bewegt - seit Stunden.

Ich starrte auf die Stelle. Auf die Stelle, an der der gestanden hatte. Mit Tränen in den Augen. Tränen die nicht hätten vergossen werden dürfen. Nicht für mich. Nicht für jemanden der für all das hier verantwortlich war. Ich mache alles kaputt – jeden und alles.

Nur wegen meiner beschissenen Angst. Angst, die zu tief sitzt, als dass man sie einfach wie einen Mantel abstreifen könnte. Immer ist es die Angst, die mich packt, schüttelt und fast erwürgt, bis ich nicht mehr atmen kann.

Erst langsam lässt sie mich los – erst dann, wenn wieder einmal alles in Scherben liegt. Doch ganz los werde ich sie nie, egal wie oft ich mir sage, dass es nicht passieren wird. Dass mich niemand betrügt, ausnutzt, benutzt – für Spielchen, die ich nicht spielen will.

Darum ist da eine Mauer um mich, die jedes Mal, wenn mir jemand sehr nahekommt, leicht bröckelt – zu viel durchlässt – zu viel Gefühl.

Doch dann kommt zum Glück die Angst, die jeden Mauerstein an exakt die Stelle setzt, an der er war.

Das sind die Augenblicke, in denen ich mir wünsche, vergessen zu werden. Genau wie die Ruine vergessen wurde, und auch er bald vergessen werden wird. . .